Trawling for dick in bars…No more!

T joked as he found out I was temporarily taking myself off the market.

 ”Don’t hate the player, hate the game”

 

I have noticed that the art of online dating is not to take anything too seriously. People  who solicit online generally tend to scan down the line, read the posts that catches their eye and more often than not, open the ones with a picture to see what’s inside.

I have had one recent bad experience which fools me into believing men who date online are players and use this medium to fill their social agendas but they are filling more than their social agendas with this ingenious gateway to free sex they are filling throngs of passion- starved, lonely, aging women who just need some attention and companionship. I feel I might I fall  between player and passion-starved. I don’t necessarily consider myself a player, but I stealth my way into ones mindset when I enter this game of cybercourting and let’s face it, on-line dating is a game.

You have to always be on the offensive without being too defensive.  You have to protect yourself from several fouls and bad plays and you have to recover if you have mishandlings off court—What I have no idea what I just said.

 I have to always be on the look out for the red flags.

Red Flag #1:

- I was married for 6 years and we only had sex 6 times.

Red Flag #2:

- My wife cheated on me with an acquaintance of mine.

 

Red Flag #3:

- I don’t really like blow jobs.

 

Red Flag #4:

- Believe it or not I am a real sincere guy, who believes in trust and honesty.

 

Red Flag #5:

- You are the most stunning and smart women that I have dated in a long time, you are really refreshing change from the others

Red Flag #6:

-I don’t usually do this, dating on line stuff, I just wanted to try something new.

 

I call BULLSHIT!

When a man disparages another person man or woman always be wary. When they lay it on too thick, they are full of it, if his wife cheated on him he’s got issues, If he has to tell you how wonderful he is, e probably isn’t.  If he’s only had sex 6 times in his marriage, he can’t get it up and if he doesn’t like blow jobs, he’s mental-seriously fucked up. I know that is an unfair assessment and sweeping generalization and I don’t mean to be one of those girls, but in my personal circumstance he was.

Online dating is the most innocuous and quickest way for a player to get into some ones knickers and you can do it all under the guise of wanting a real relationship that fulfills me and stop this singles game once and for all. 

I may speak from experience but it’s not bitterness I speak from—it’s just frustration with the utter gall and sheer underestimation of the women they choose to present their little performance art to– all in an effort to stroke their own tiny, flaccid little egos. Beware the players, they are stylish and cunning and the smart ones snake their way in by acting just as cynical and tragic as I have here.

Oh I’ve been hurt before,

I can’t share someone with others,

I fall in love quickly,

I am a romantic at heart,

I’m really looking to settle down,

I love cuddling on a Sunday morning while reading the paper,

I’m taking my mother to church today,

I have to walk the dog I’ve adopted, I send money to my retarded Malaysian baby every month,

I volunteer at Shady Pines once a week and even fire up the barbeque for their ice-cream socials,

I’m into giving not receiving.

I guess I have left out some important ideas but they really mean nothing coming from me as these would be opinions and they just don’t matter in the long run so here it goes…

I am bored. I am lonely. I am horny. I am in need of some SOCIAL interaction that deals with the opposite sex. I am sure I don’t know what I want, but I want companionship. Period.

 

So all the things that we already think about before we go out on that first date with ANYONE will always be there. All the worry and questions on whether they are sane or interesting or a complete bore or a player with two girls waiting after this date…well it’s all going to be there. I take on the added pressure of the “other” questions: Am I just a fetish, is he a woman-hater, does he have some weird predilection for black women, blah, blah, blah! It’s all going to be there and yes there are those weirdos out there who play the game, one of which I happened upon, it was quite entertaining…that will come a little later.

I am smart and strangely self-assured in these situations…In some ways I am the best at being me because I’m throwing away the bullshit, there’s nothing to lose when you take chances like these—as long as you are co-mingling in a public place your life will be intact. So my “strategy” is to be me, honest, straight forward, relaxed and open to the possibilities. I go in unassuming, treat the night like its two friends catching up over a few drinks . No pressure. And maybe something interesting will ensue…

I’ll give a brief description of the gentleman suitors.

 

The Irishman.

38. Finally someone in their 30’s! He’s funny but can’t spell for shit. Tall, cute, lovely brogue, works a lot, might be a bit of a player, kind of funny, shoots straight from the hip and seems like a riot.

 

The Scruff

27. Reminds me of Henry Thomas, the kid from ET and Topher Grace, cute. Leaning on the side of scruff, beard, skinnier than me ( I don’t know about that), tall and smart, very smart. Kind of creepy eyes, but he has a Scorpio quality about him.

 

The Trouble

29. He’s a lead singer in a band, he plays the guitar, he actually has a great voice, he’s cute in that just woken Will Farrell kind of way, he leans on scruffy as well, seems nice, but he’s already mentioned that he doesn’t trawl around for chicks at bars. 2 more strikes…

 

We have all written back and forth about three times each, we’ll see what happens…I’m going to need to talk about sex very frankly as it relates to this particular subject, seriously soon.

 

~ by Timbre on March 24, 2008.