small triumphs of the day…or not

So as luck would have it, my suitors have grown tired of me. Not a one has responded back to my responses back to their e-mails. Hmph, go figure. Maybe they’ve caught on to my mischief and re-routed to a much prettier, safer cyber-seeker. I guess I’m going to have to go at this dating thing in a different way.

I have always found that on-line dating takes away the mystery of what life may unfold for me, and by tempting fate and taking “love matters” into my own hands that it somehow dilutes the brevity of the actual “magic” of that chance encounter. Somehow it feels forced. And lets face It the approach in which we seek is somewhat forced which taints the process somehow.

Plus my attitude, frankly, sucks.

I don’t mind being single, really. Seriously. I like not having to answer to anyone, not having to explain one of my inevitable mood swings and not having to be accountable for anyone. And I like my solitude, my alone time. I always thought, god, if only they knew how crazy I really am—that I like to cry sometimes when I’m alone, that I like to dance and sing to the Foo Fighters in front of the mirror and act like I’m a slightly effeminate Dave Grohl, that I talk to myself on occasion—and yes, even answer back. The tragedy of single-hood , for me is the loneliness, when I do want to share my lament with another who can lend me their shoulder to snot on. When I can laugh and act a fool and not be judged for it. When I want to curl up and lie still for a moment next to someone in silence and just be—- alone with them.

Life goes on right? It tends to wait for no one and funny thing is once I figure that out at some obscure hour of the night when I can’t get to sleep, rubbing my feet together hopelessly, trying to lull myself back to dream, I realize there is still more out there to be discovered, more out there to experience—good and bad.

~ by Timbre on March 27, 2008.