ramble, ramble rambling on…
I’ve been having these conversations with some of my girlfriends that compels me to drop kick a grenade between us two or shove a nine inch nail through one of my eyeballs
— I am in no way someone who can shed any light on the complexities of a relationship nor can I dispense any wisdom on the manner in which a woman should or should not desire a relationship—we all have our shit to bear.
BUT, my god lady!
(some one kick the soapbox my way again, please)
There is a subtle ignorance (that I feel) we women share when it comes to the idea of being completed or saved by a man or a partner. I suffer from this grandiose, infantile and somewhat fairy tale way of thinking as well, at times, however, get a grip ladies….It’s not a matter of being an ardent feminist or a lonely loser feeding off of need-based ideologies. It can be simple clear and plain—I don’t want to interject any wild personal philosophies but I think I’m going to anyway.
Why on Gods ever-loving green earth would you direct any energy towards another person besides your self to DEFINE you or your happiness?
Why is marriage or a white knight our definition of happiness, let alone an end-all-be-all to our life’s purpose? Granted, a nurturing and loving relationship is fulfilling and provides a higher quality of life—that’s a given, but it takes two complete individuals to make a relationship valuable, right? At least two people with the same ideals and philosophies.
We are all a “work in progress”. Nobody is ever SO put together that this convoluted rule can’t be pursued- of course not. But wouldn’t your attractions, at least be in line with that one goal in mind?
I have friends who are SO desperate for a relationship that they blind themselves to the basic philosophical flaws of their potential mate. Their core values are incongruent to those of their intended and some women are all too willing to overlook their basic needs and desires to achieve what they feel is their inevitable definition. Putting them on par with their peers and on the road to a “better life”.
Even if we are not complete, which-let’s face it- we are not, why go in pursuit of half-assed men?
I guess one could dispute this; sometimes it’s just not that serious, sometimes we just want a partner in crime, a buddy, a fuck-buddy, a boyfriend until it runs it’s course and we move on. A working relationship may take lots of tries in order to value and nurture a good one. Sometimes it’s important to have meaningful and fulfilling trial runs with others before we make the choice to commit to a wonderfully meaningful relationship.
Awesome. So why does EVERY relationship have to be THE ONE? Why can’t women just do what Frankie says…fucking RELAX.
Chill, man. I guess I feel like Dude from the Big Lebowski in these matters.
Yes. A man can bear the burden sometimes his mere presence can just make it all right, but he doesn’t have to fix me or save me, I am not his problem to solve-(that quote came from some movie)
I am not someone in need of saving or fixing. All I ask is that a man just be there for me that’s all, we are there for each other learning and growing together.
He won’t abandon me for some other girl, leaving me to fend for myself on the weekends, he’s not ditching me for newer, better, faster, hipper friends, he’s not trying to make babies or trying to plan a wedding or moving out of the state or forgetting about me until his inevitable break-up, he’s not concerned with going shopping and getting his nails done and salon visits for a hot date- that only wants to get into his pants- he’s not even using me as an excuse to give a blow job to a new lover while his old one sits at home wondering where he is—
“Oh babe, I’m gonna hang out with T tonight. What? Just go see a movie and then get a drink. I’ll be back by 2am.”
He’s here for me and there’s comfort in that, he’s my “companion- plus”. He wants to be with me and it is comforting to know that you have a partner— someone who can go into this world with you, you go at the challenges with someone rather than alone all the time.
He is a touchstone, a partner in crime, a friend.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And I’ve grown to realize that I certainly don’t want a man all the time- they are a pain in my self-righteous ass sometimes- but I need one; it betters my quality of life, being in a relationship elevates my subsistence and moods. It makes me want to get up in the morning, smile, it makes me a much happier more pleasant woman knowing I have someone to come home to. I cringe just saying it but it’s true.
I was a hardcore, ardent feminist type back in the day and I still am but I feel— and I can only speak for myself—having a companion in this life makes life better, I’m not proud of it, but for me, it is true.
Meanwhile, I have a “good” life, I have good friends, hopefully a job soon, talents, skills, creativity, I have my African Dance Class on Sundays, my yoga during the week, I take myself out on cheap dates, a —movie and sushi, and a splurge on the cab ride home. I’m taking cooking and language courses soon, and I’m even masturbating regularly and my writing, I’m getting a lot of writing done…. –I’m a one woman show……—I’m rounded and in progress at all times, and a man will never COMPLETE me, that is my job.
But he will make that task much more enjoyable to achieve.
That is all.
Peace.
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