men wanted.

I have decided that I need more male friends.  Platonic, flirtatious, business, wing-man, lover, best friend, supportive, big brother.  I don’t care what type of relationship, I just want to experience more male friendships. 

 

Do I actually believe that women can be friends with men? Ultimately, Yes.  However, the relationship will always begin in a lop-sided manner.  One will suddenly find the other attractive and it becomes this elaborate dance of innocent flirtation, then an intentional drunken night of mishaps and excusable regrets…

 

Oh, it’s the story of life isn’t it?  I think women ultimately know what they want therefore ultimately know exactly what they are doing.

 

When I go out on a date with a stranger I am sizing him up, wondering whether or not he will make a good lover.  Within 5 minutes I have already decided if I will sleep with him or not.  The rest of the time is spent categorizing his worthiness.  That is a bit stronger than I’d like to let on…I’m actually deducing my approach.  If he is one of the following:

 

1. Boyfriend material – Has the particular qualities that I admire in a man or partner and the annoying things that I can learn to live with.  This would usually consist of height, intelligence, humor, good looks, creativity, acumen, passion, slight arrogance, confidence and talent.

 

2. Make-out material- Because he’s such a commitment- phobe and probably emotionally handicapped and because I probably mirror his issues exactly, he can only be good for one thing and that’s the innocent “platonic” dates that end up in making out on the couch or in a safe place, like a restaurant bathroom stall or mosh pit.  He’s usually more sensitive than any of the other jerks that I’m dating and I’m probably really attracted to that part of him but everyone knows I want the mohawked, tattooed, rock boy with the pierces and intellect of a rogue street philosopher and looks of a Jewish god.  (hmmmm. I don’t think that’s possible.)

 

2. Partner in crime material- A partner in crime is a man who usually has an agenda but you don’t take him too seriously, but he’s hot enough to date casually.  He can be that really great friend who makes you laugh and feel good whenever you’re with him.  He’s what my girls and I call the back burner guy.  You go out to movies and sushi and bars and clubs or concerts, you act like boyfriend and girlfriend but you have your eye on others or even better…dating the boyfriend material guy at the same time.  His pathology is usually that of an emotional cripple his humor hides his inability to be intimate.

 

3. Friends with benefit material- This should be self explanatory.  This is the guy that you hang out with when you feel lonely and ugly and fat and you need a little pick-me-up.  You care for each other as human beings but for whatever reason, cannot tolerate each other as a significant other.  This guys pathology usually reduces back to that mutual emotional handicap we discussed earlier

 

4. Wing man material- This guy is great to hang out with.  He’s cute, funny smart, intelligent—he could be boyfriend material if it werenn’t for one huge reason—There’s no way in hell he’d date you, whether you’re not his type, he doesn’t find you attractive or he just LOVES his singlehood, he will not touch you with a ten foot stick.  He thinks of you as a guys girl, cute enough just not enough for him.  So you go out have a great time “upping each others stock” therein living the fantasy of “dating” but using each others attractiveness for a mutually beneficial relationship.

 

I have already gathered that I must have some serious issues that get me caught up with these silly philosophies but I guess it’s just how I roll—peace.

 

More later…AKA To be continued

 

 

~ by Timbre on July 22, 2008.