sociopaths and the women who love them

I’ve noticed in my experience there is this oddly strange phenomenon that occurs when thrusting oneself into the dating arena either online or off, that there are certain distinctive traits that particular men possess. (this is not a sweeping generalization, this is an observance from my experiences with marathon dating)

They don’t listen. – They don’t pay attention to the details, they are clueless as to the needs of a woman. Most of us- I’ll speak for myself- I just want some sincere gesture of any actual interest. I want to know that you have heard me. Remember something about me, anything, my name would be a great start.

They lie– Or their inconsistencies outweigh anything that sounds remotely factual. They may say they were in New York over the weekend but then slip up and say they picked up the dry cleaning on Sunday. Or you say you have a Masters, but you can’t spell Master’s. One by one throughout the “courtship” little things begin to add up-or not add up as the case may be.

They are clueless– there are some men who really believe they have all the answers to making a woman happy. That’s why they use the same tricks on different women. It’s the power of three. They find a way to tell you they make money, they “to be honest” you…”I’m not interested in the bar scene”, “I’m not a telephone number collector”, “I’m really a nice guy”. IF THEY HAVE TO TELL YOU, IT’S PROBABLY A LIE. They’re convincing themselves. The shit happens and it’s pathetic to watch the dance.

They give far too many compliments- sometimes less is more.  When they lay on the accolades too thickly there’s no room for mystery and I’ve been rendered spoiled to the compliments.  Something about it leaves me cold.  Even in its “sincerity” there is an in-authenticity that just stinks of either desperation or (once again) the dreaded overconfidence.

They are over-confident– In a real annoying buzzy way. Their arrogance is affected and just plain counterfeit. Your intuition goes into overdrive and the inconsistencies and the lies and the cheap, sad, feigned confidence draws a tiny pit in your stomach the size of a pea and menacingly swirls until it becomes the size of a watermelon.

The over-confidence signifies this gentleman’s quiet and personal  glib almost smug triumph.  He is being self congratulatory as if to stroke his ego even more.  At this point the guy might as well have a picture of himself taped to your face.  He might as well have a naked living doll of himself at home strapped to his bed with large breasts and a come hither smile.

I have been on the receiving end of many a sad ass diatribe, being told the most annoying and obnoxious things. Amidst candlelight and appetizers and this mad twilight performance they may as well been wearing white gum paste on their face and a rubber nose.

“Thank you Mr. Sensitive for sharing your tragedy, can I blow you now? Please?”

Dating in my thirties have been a freaking trip and I suppose, will continue to be. Ive learned a long time ago you have to trust your instincts and be very reticent about the words coming out of these men’s mouths. I don’t believe in being a hard ass and totally cynical or hateful– just be careful, don’t fall too fast and always, always have enough to get your ass home if it isn’t working out. There’s nothing wrong with excusing yourself from the table to go to the bathroom and making a run for it…I’ll tell you about that one later. Or you can just thank him for a lovely evening, slap half of the tab down, tell him It’s just not working and walk out.

I received a mid-morning e-mail from The Irishman this morning and he hit on three of the big 4. He used *ugh!* “To be honest, I much rather stay home in the winters than go out to bars, “ to explain his current situation and he misspelled my name. Never put it past one of these people that they could be cutting and pasting the same letter to a dozen or more other women and quite frankly , more often than not, they are. You just have to know how to spot them.

Ironically enough there was an ad that had caught my eye, right next to his words:

Why He Manipulates You

Learn “Secret Reason” Why You’re Attracted To Jerks & Players

Like a moth to a flame, my curiosity drew my hand to the mouse in its general area and pulled my finger down hard on the left click button…Isn’t it ironic?

Don’t ya think?



~ by Timbre on March 25, 2008.

9 Responses to “sociopaths and the women who love them”

  1. Wow, I love this post… Glancing at the titles on your sidebar, I think I will like your blog as well.

    “Or you can just thank him for a lovely evening, slap half of the tab down, tell him It’s just not working and walk out.”

    I love this! When it comes to dating, we need more sincerity and blunt honesty. Otherwise, we are just wasting time.

    Must add you to blog roll.

  2. once again, thanks for the feedback. Don’t you think blunt honesty just takes the pressure off? It’s easier to be open and honest than to lie and put up a front…kind of like faking an orgasm, just show him how to do it right instead of settling for lackluster lovin…I don’t know, just a thought.

  3. I dont have a Master’s, I have a Bachelors

  4. i’ve missed your clever witticisms, k. Don’t be a stranger! Thanks for being my first reader, I appreciate it. may be visiting Aspen in April or May, hope to see you sometime. Are you guys going to visit Chicago anytime soon?

  5. I am new to this but wanted to say how wonderful it was to read the past excerts… I enjoyed that read… so much nonsensical things occur when dating… Consequently, I have come to many realizations.

  6. Thanks for the pointers, one of my goals for this year is actually to become a manipulative smooth talker jerk. I am studying a MS in Engineering and it really frustrates me that while I tend to think about other’s emotions, necessities and feelings, these sociopaths always get all the female attention.

    I already decided to embrace fully the dark triad and become one with the dark side (I really don’t know If I am joking anymore)

  7. You seem angry and closed off. In my experience, when you hit this level of emotional frustration, you need to look at two things. Why are you dating? And where are you finding them?
    If I were you, I’d move to a smaller town. People in small to mid sized communities tend to be real, and less self-oriented.

    • I was angry when writing this particular piece. And very close to being closed off, but one experience and my commenting on that experience doesn’t make me as a whole closed off forever in time or cement my personality into one neatly wrapped box.

      I actually have moved to a small town and have been here for a little over a year and, unfortunately have come across some of the same.

      I have, though, questioned if I am ready to date at this time or if I am just getting what I am putting out; a question I have been asking myself in recent months. People everywhere are self-oriented, doesn’t matter if the town is small or large, maybe it’s how we put ourselves into the world, how we orient ourselves to receive better where we BE the change we want to experience.

      Thanks for your comment.

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